watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
