Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
