I faked an abortion last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
