i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
