K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
