dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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