when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
