i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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