did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
