Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
