come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
