Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
