All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm always down for nudity.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
