I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
