you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
