In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sober January is a disaster.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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