You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
