My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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