I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
