i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
