they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
