More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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