I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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