No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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