I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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