I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
