i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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