he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
