dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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