saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
