I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
