True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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