I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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