I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
