goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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