Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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