My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
