Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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