Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
