Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
