Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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