She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
