I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
