chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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