My underwear smells like fireworks.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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