Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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