I need help removing her.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
