His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
