i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
