I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
