Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
