I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
