I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
