oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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