When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
