Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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