what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
