Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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