Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
