i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
