The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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