the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
